Date Added: October 29, 2010 12:23:56 AM

Do you ever struggle to retain feelings of self-worth when you compare yourself to others?

Do feelings of jealousy well up when your partner pays attention to someone you feel is a possible threat to your relationship.

Do you worry every time your partner goes out alone, who they will meet, what they are saying and what they are doing?

Do you try to keep in touch with your partner when they are without you?

Do you check their emails, mobile phone or pockets, trying to find out if there is something going on that you need to know about?

Do you constantly compare yourself with others? Do feelings of jealousy well up when your partner pays attention to someone you feel is a possible threat to your relationship.

Do you worry every time your partner goes out alone, who they will meet, what they are saying and what they are doing?

Do you try to keep in touch with your partner when they are without you?

Do you check their emails, mobile phone or pockets, trying to find out if there is something going on that you need to know about?

Do you constantly compare yourself with others? If this sounds familiar territory for you...you are not alone! Jealousy can put a huge strain on a relationship, leaving one partner feeling as though they're constantly walking on eggshells to avoid a jealous reaction. The jealous partner, often aware of their problem, swings between anger, self-blame, insecurity and absolute justification. And if left that way, what otherwise could have been a long and happy relationship is destined to failure. Jealousy is actually quite complex, involving a myriad of thoughts, emotions and behaviours. Thoughts range from blame to comparison to self-pity. Emotions range from pain, anger and rage, to sadness and humiliation. This often leads to aggressive and possibly even violent behaviour.

Jealousy is an instinctive emotion that arises most commonly in people who do not feel sufficiently worthy to retain affection and respect purely on their own merits. It is often a lack of self-esteem that causes someone to attempt to constrain the behaviour of their friends and lovers, when in fact those constraints and the emotions that they represent are far more likely to damage the relationships they are intended to protect.

What is jealousy?

We've all experienced jealousy at some time in our lives, although the reasons why each of us gets jealous and the emotions we feel may differ. Jealousy is a complex reaction to a perceived threat to a valued relationship or to its quality". Unlike envy, it always involves a fear of loss and three people.

Jealousy is a "complex reaction" because it involves such a wide range of emotions, thoughts and behaviours.

Emotions - pain, anger, rage, sadness, envy, fear, grief, humiliation. Thoughts - resentment, blame, comparison with the rival, worry about image, self-pity.

Behaviours - feeling faint, trembling and sweating, constant questioning and seeking reassurance, aggressive actions, even violence.

How jealousy damages love:

Sometimes jealous feelings can get out of proportion. For example, when a man makes an embarrassing scene at a party because his wife accepts an invitation to dance with an old friend, or when a woman is overwhelmed with jealousy because her husband's company appoints a female boss.

These kinds of reaction can put a huge strain on a relationship, leaving the other partner feeling as though they're constantly walking on eggshells to avoid a jealous reaction. The jealous partner, often aware of their problem, swings between self-blame and justification.

If you're the jealous one

Overcoming jealousy takes patience and hard work. If you feel your jealousy stems from issues in childhood, you may find counseling or Hypnotherapy are useful. If you're recovering from an affair, you'll need to deal with those issues first. Here are some things you can do for yourself:

Give yourself a reality check - take a good look at those things that trigger your jealousy and ask yourself how realistic the threat is. What evidence do you have that your relationship is in danger? And is your behaviour actually making the situation worse?

Use positive self-talk - when you start feeling the twinges of jealousy, remind yourself that your partner loves you, is committed to you and respects you. Tell yourself you're a loveable person and that nothing's going on. Seek reassurance - one of the best ways to beat jealousy is to ask your partner for reassurance. Make sure you don't nag or bully, but rather share your insecurities and ask them to help you overcome the problem.

Living with a jealous partner

Having a jealous partner can be exhausting. Here are some ideas that may help ease their jealousy:

Think of the problem in a different way - remember that jealousy is a sign of love. If your partner didn't value your relationship, you wouldn't be having this problem. Rather than becoming defensive, try to be understanding and supportive.

Check your behaviour - if you know that certain behaviours trigger your partner's jealousy, change them if you can if only until the problem has been overcome. Be sure to stick to any agreements you've made, too, but avoid making promises you'll find difficult to keep, such as always being contactable.

Build your partner's confidence - be sure to take every opportunity to tell your partner how much you love them and why you wouldn't want to be with anyone else. Give lots of compliments and talk about the wonderful future you're looking forward to spending with them.

Occasional jealousy is natural and can keep a relationship alive, but when it becomes intense or irrational it can seriously damage a relationship.

What this Self-Hypnosis Session can do for you:

Feelings of jealousy are very closely connected to feelings of low self-esteem, feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and vulnerability, but they are even more closely connected to how your mind works, how you process information, how you interoperate the world around you, and this affects emotions and behaviours.

This processing of information becomes your core belief system. Your belief system originates from your earliest childhood experiences, these experiences are then added to during adolescence, and by the time you reach adulthood, you will have installed in your mind a huge amount of information, some of which you will have rejected outright as contrary to your belief system, and some you will accept, and all the information that you accept, you will regard as rational and logical. But there is flaw in this process, because what you have accepted as rational and logical might not be so. An example of what is known as a dysfunctional way of thinking is, “if I love someone enough they will love me back”, or, “I must be perfectly competent and entirely successful before I can be happy with myself”. If these thoughts seem rational, and logical, they will clash with reality, because in the real world, the belief behind these statements is far from rational or logical.

When this type of belief system clashes with others, that are indeed rational and logical, it causes distress to the person who holds these irrational and illogical values as the real truth; all the time believing that it is others that need to change, act differently or agree with their point of view. No one wants to change so much of a person’s personality that they are no longer a unique individual, but if negative automatic thoughts, and irrational, illogical thinking is disrupting your relationships with others; it’s time to make some changes.

By using a By using a self hypnosis CD or mp3 download, you can combine the benefits of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy Techniques and Hypnotherapy, this two pronged approach will help you combat your feelings of jealousy. With this form of therapy, the more you listen to the recording, the more it will assist in changing how you think, feel and react; boosting your feelings of self-worth to stop you feeling as though you have to compete. Encouraging you to feel good enough about yourself to realise that you don’t need to compete, and the feelings of jealousy will begin to reduce until they disappear, or the feelings are kept at an acceptable level that causes no conflict in your personal life, social life or your work life.

Sharon Shinwell. Dip Couns. Dip HP. Dip CBT. Dip Sup. MBACP. is a published author, UK qualified Counsellor, Hypnotherapist, Life Coach and Clinical Supervisor. She also produces a range of Self-Hypnosis Audio CDs and mp3 downloads to improve health, combat fears, phobias, unwanted habits, and for personal development. All these can be ordered direct online or by telephone so visit our website.

www.hypnosisrecordings.net